Super-quick post today, as it's nearly 10pm and I'm wiped out.
The "do one healthy intentional thing a day to be proud of" campaign continues. Yesterday I didn't get out for any exercise BUT I did stop myself before eating a lot of junk food for lunch instead of taking a few minutes and preparing something healthier. I ended up with a half-cup of gazpacho, a garden salad with lemon juice instead of oil and vinegar, and a cup of left-over plain pasta (it had a little butter and salt but not much, and no heavy sauces). Compared to what I normally might eat at that time of day, that was a huge improvement.
Today my healthy thing was getting my ass out of bed before eating and going to get some necessary routine blood work. Which I absolutely HATE; I'm a total baby about stuff like that. I'm sure my cholesterol is up and I'll get a lecture, but the main reason I went to get it is to get a renewal on my BP meds, and my doctor is very conscientious about not giving renewals if I haven't had blood work at least once a year. Good for him, seriously.
Overall as well, the past two days I have really resisted the temptation to snack out on sugar and things that don't serve my long-term goals. I wanted to, believe me. But I didn't.
So far so good, and finding things to feel proud of, even if in other areas of my life I'm still not performing at my best. We'll talk about that another day.
Bonne nuit, all.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Day 123: One thing a day
I'm trying something different. I've decided to do a minimum of ONE thing a day, related to improving my health, of which I can feel proud. It has to involve making an intentional effort or conscious choice of some sort, rather than at the end of the day suddenly realizing I "accidentally" did something healthy. The idea is that I realize I need to retrain both my thoughts and my habits, and I have to start with intentional, conscious effort.
Today, I needed to go to the electric company to deal with something. The nearest office is either 1 or 2 bus rides away and could take up to 20 minutes, depending upon which route I take and how much traffic there is. I also needed to do some food shopping. There is a good supermarket next door to the electric company offices. So, instead of taking the bus, I decided to walk to the EDF office, and I took my grocery cart so that I could do the food shopping afterwards. Depending on how I felt at that point, and on the weather (it was threatening to rain), I thought I might even walk home but gave myself the option of taking the bus back.
I timed myself on my walk. I took my time, and even stopped and looked in a few shop windows here and there. I actually wasn't feeling 100% this morning but I did it anyway, and THAT was a victory. When I got to the EDF office, I took a look at my timer, which said 58 minutes!
After I got the EDF situation taken care of, I did the food shopping. As I got to the checkout I realized it was pouring rain and I had not brought an umbrella. So, I would take the bus. But to get in a little extra activity, I took the direct bus which was a 10-minute walk away, instead of the first of the 2 buses where the first stop was right outside the supermarket. With my packed grocery cart, I knew I'd burn a few extra calories, and I still had an additional 3 minutes of walking PLUS hauling the cart up the stairs when I got home.
I figure all totalled, I had about 90 minutes straight on my feet, including walking around the supermarket. That's more than I get in an average "normal" day, and I did it intentionally! I also, when doing the food shopping, did NOT buy any of my usual "trouble" foods. We do keep some cookies and snacks in the house for my step-son and husband, but since I do the shopping, I chose things that I don't actually crave at all so I'm unlikely to eat what we DO have.
I also faced the music and got on the scale this morning: 224.5 which means UP again. But it is what it is and I'm not dwelling on it.
I'm keeping a little chart here where I will check off each day I keep my commitment to doing one intentionally healthy thing a day. If I do more, even better, but for now I'm focusing on the one-a-day approach as a starting point. And allowing myself to feel proud of whatever that effort entails.
Today, I needed to go to the electric company to deal with something. The nearest office is either 1 or 2 bus rides away and could take up to 20 minutes, depending upon which route I take and how much traffic there is. I also needed to do some food shopping. There is a good supermarket next door to the electric company offices. So, instead of taking the bus, I decided to walk to the EDF office, and I took my grocery cart so that I could do the food shopping afterwards. Depending on how I felt at that point, and on the weather (it was threatening to rain), I thought I might even walk home but gave myself the option of taking the bus back.
I timed myself on my walk. I took my time, and even stopped and looked in a few shop windows here and there. I actually wasn't feeling 100% this morning but I did it anyway, and THAT was a victory. When I got to the EDF office, I took a look at my timer, which said 58 minutes!
After I got the EDF situation taken care of, I did the food shopping. As I got to the checkout I realized it was pouring rain and I had not brought an umbrella. So, I would take the bus. But to get in a little extra activity, I took the direct bus which was a 10-minute walk away, instead of the first of the 2 buses where the first stop was right outside the supermarket. With my packed grocery cart, I knew I'd burn a few extra calories, and I still had an additional 3 minutes of walking PLUS hauling the cart up the stairs when I got home.
I figure all totalled, I had about 90 minutes straight on my feet, including walking around the supermarket. That's more than I get in an average "normal" day, and I did it intentionally! I also, when doing the food shopping, did NOT buy any of my usual "trouble" foods. We do keep some cookies and snacks in the house for my step-son and husband, but since I do the shopping, I chose things that I don't actually crave at all so I'm unlikely to eat what we DO have.
I also faced the music and got on the scale this morning: 224.5 which means UP again. But it is what it is and I'm not dwelling on it.
I'm keeping a little chart here where I will check off each day I keep my commitment to doing one intentionally healthy thing a day. If I do more, even better, but for now I'm focusing on the one-a-day approach as a starting point. And allowing myself to feel proud of whatever that effort entails.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Day 121: Loser
Weight loss is the one area in life where everyone actually WANTS to be a big loser. Ironically, it is also the one area where, if we're not a big loser in the physical sense, we feel like a HUGE loser emotionally.
I've been struggling with this a lot lately. Intellectually, I know that the more I put my energy into thoughts and beliefs such as "I'll never lose this weight" or "What the fuck is WRONG with me, why can't I stick to my commitment to myself and get healthy?" or any other of a million negative thoughts I might have about this subject, then the more I am likely to stay stuck exactly where I am. Self-fulfilling prophesy, you know? We get what we focus on. I KNOW this... and yet those thoughts are still there, at the root of any more positive thoughts I might have.
I had a dream the other night where for some odd reason, I was near a beach-front area of some kind and I was for some strange reason trying to help some of the local condo owners sell their properties. And two of the people I was trying to help turned out to be sisters Olivia and Hannah from The Biggest Loser Season 11. Olivia won the season and Hannah came in a very close second, and they have kept the weight off ever since. They look utterly fabulous and it's clear that for them, somewhere during their BL season, that "switch" in their brains -- the one that every dieter need to find for themselves if they want to create lasting change with regard to their weight and their health -- had been flipped, because unlike some of the past seasons' contestants and winners who regained some or all of their weight, Olivia and Hannah really seem to have embraced what they learned during the course of the show and have transformed their entire lives accordingly. So they're the kinds of "Losers" who inspire me.
Why I had them in my dream and why my dream had anything whatsoever to do with selling beach-front real estate is beyond me, but dreams aren't about logic.
Ever since I had that dream, I've been rewatching the BL Season 11 episodes. That season was one of my personal favorites as for the most part it was a lot less about "game play" than many of the others and it had fewer contestants who annoyed the hell out of me. I am looking for something that will spark my resolve again. I was at a writer's group meeting on Sunday and at that meeting there were two men who happened to be vegans. One had turned to veganism because he'd had a TIA just this past June and needed to radically change his eating habits and lifestyle (and he's dropped something like 45 lbs since then); the other had turned to veganism because his father had had a quadruple bypass and he (the son) didn't want to follow down that same scary road.
Personally, I'd like to find a spark that doesn't involve that sort of radical change in my diet because frankly, although I'm not a huge meat-eater, there are times I not only enjoy some beef or poultry but I really seem to need the protein boost. (And the whole veganism thing just seems like far too much work and a bit too extreme, so please don't try and "sell" me on it 'cuz I'm not going there.)
My point is, I'm stuck AGAIN on this journey and I'm looking for whatever is going to kick my ass into gear again. Winter and the holidays are quickly approaching, I'm going home to my family in NJ for Thanksgiving and I'd really like to be at least 4-5 lbs lighter when I get there to combat the inevitable few pounds gain that typically happens when I go back. I haven't had Thanksgiving with my family since 2005 so I don't plan to go overboard but I also don't plan to skip all that good food completely. The trouble is, NJ is a car culture and I know that for 2 weeks I won't get in anywhere near as much walking as I do in my normal life in Paris. So... better to plan ahead and drop a few pounds in advance.
So, that's what's going on here. How are you all doing? Tell us your success stories or share your frustrations. It's all fair game. :)
I've been struggling with this a lot lately. Intellectually, I know that the more I put my energy into thoughts and beliefs such as "I'll never lose this weight" or "What the fuck is WRONG with me, why can't I stick to my commitment to myself and get healthy?" or any other of a million negative thoughts I might have about this subject, then the more I am likely to stay stuck exactly where I am. Self-fulfilling prophesy, you know? We get what we focus on. I KNOW this... and yet those thoughts are still there, at the root of any more positive thoughts I might have.
I had a dream the other night where for some odd reason, I was near a beach-front area of some kind and I was for some strange reason trying to help some of the local condo owners sell their properties. And two of the people I was trying to help turned out to be sisters Olivia and Hannah from The Biggest Loser Season 11. Olivia won the season and Hannah came in a very close second, and they have kept the weight off ever since. They look utterly fabulous and it's clear that for them, somewhere during their BL season, that "switch" in their brains -- the one that every dieter need to find for themselves if they want to create lasting change with regard to their weight and their health -- had been flipped, because unlike some of the past seasons' contestants and winners who regained some or all of their weight, Olivia and Hannah really seem to have embraced what they learned during the course of the show and have transformed their entire lives accordingly. So they're the kinds of "Losers" who inspire me.
Why I had them in my dream and why my dream had anything whatsoever to do with selling beach-front real estate is beyond me, but dreams aren't about logic.
Ever since I had that dream, I've been rewatching the BL Season 11 episodes. That season was one of my personal favorites as for the most part it was a lot less about "game play" than many of the others and it had fewer contestants who annoyed the hell out of me. I am looking for something that will spark my resolve again. I was at a writer's group meeting on Sunday and at that meeting there were two men who happened to be vegans. One had turned to veganism because he'd had a TIA just this past June and needed to radically change his eating habits and lifestyle (and he's dropped something like 45 lbs since then); the other had turned to veganism because his father had had a quadruple bypass and he (the son) didn't want to follow down that same scary road.
Personally, I'd like to find a spark that doesn't involve that sort of radical change in my diet because frankly, although I'm not a huge meat-eater, there are times I not only enjoy some beef or poultry but I really seem to need the protein boost. (And the whole veganism thing just seems like far too much work and a bit too extreme, so please don't try and "sell" me on it 'cuz I'm not going there.)
My point is, I'm stuck AGAIN on this journey and I'm looking for whatever is going to kick my ass into gear again. Winter and the holidays are quickly approaching, I'm going home to my family in NJ for Thanksgiving and I'd really like to be at least 4-5 lbs lighter when I get there to combat the inevitable few pounds gain that typically happens when I go back. I haven't had Thanksgiving with my family since 2005 so I don't plan to go overboard but I also don't plan to skip all that good food completely. The trouble is, NJ is a car culture and I know that for 2 weeks I won't get in anywhere near as much walking as I do in my normal life in Paris. So... better to plan ahead and drop a few pounds in advance.
So, that's what's going on here. How are you all doing? Tell us your success stories or share your frustrations. It's all fair game. :)
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Day 115: Blessings
Today marks five years since the day I first met my husband and we had our first date.
I feel so fortunate to have met him and to have someone in my life who makes me smile every single day. I don't recall another period of time in my life where I had something to be happy about EVERY DAY, but that's how it's been since we met, and it's not an exaggeration. It doesn't mean there aren't problems in our daily lives from time to time, but how could I not have at least some moments of pure joy each day, when he looks into my eyes with such sincere and unconditional love?
I sometimes wonder what it takes to feel that sort of unconditional love for myself. I am way too hard on myself (i.e. a bit of a bully) and although I do try and release all of that negativity, it seems to be very deeply ingrained. I could pass the blame onto others in my past for that, but what good does THAT do?
But today, I don't want to focus on all the things I'm doing wrong with regard to my commitment to my health. Today, I prefer to focus on the love, the joy, the happiness and all the blessings.
I feel so fortunate to have met him and to have someone in my life who makes me smile every single day. I don't recall another period of time in my life where I had something to be happy about EVERY DAY, but that's how it's been since we met, and it's not an exaggeration. It doesn't mean there aren't problems in our daily lives from time to time, but how could I not have at least some moments of pure joy each day, when he looks into my eyes with such sincere and unconditional love?
I sometimes wonder what it takes to feel that sort of unconditional love for myself. I am way too hard on myself (i.e. a bit of a bully) and although I do try and release all of that negativity, it seems to be very deeply ingrained. I could pass the blame onto others in my past for that, but what good does THAT do?
But today, I don't want to focus on all the things I'm doing wrong with regard to my commitment to my health. Today, I prefer to focus on the love, the joy, the happiness and all the blessings.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Day 111: Braveheart in action
If you haven't already seen it, you need to see this: a Wisconsin news anchor's on-air response to a anti-fat hate mail she received from a viewer.
Bravo to her! How brave, and also how smart she was to see this for what it was: bullying at it's most insidious. The people who write emails, Facebook messages, Tweets and blog comments pretending to be "helpful" when really they are just being mean girls (or boys) at heart are nothing more than bullies who somehow believe they have the right (or even the moral obligation) to point out the flaws and failings in the rest of us, as THEY perceive them. I've received such messages, although rarely (and not because of my weight) and it's not easy to set aside the inevitable hurt feelings, even when you realize that the kind of people who would try to bully you? Are people who are themselves emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.
If someone in your life is bullying you about your weight (even if that bullying is disguised as "I'm only trying to help you!"), then step away from those would would do that. You don't need to be around that kind of energy, I don't care WHO they are. I'm lucky: I don't have any "weight bullies" in my life at this moment (although my mom can still push my buttons from time to time). But if I did have someone like that, I'd be doing everything in my power to keep them at arm's length. It's hard enough to lose weight without that kind of abuse.
And we need to stop bullying OURSELVES, while we're at it.
Bravo to her! How brave, and also how smart she was to see this for what it was: bullying at it's most insidious. The people who write emails, Facebook messages, Tweets and blog comments pretending to be "helpful" when really they are just being mean girls (or boys) at heart are nothing more than bullies who somehow believe they have the right (or even the moral obligation) to point out the flaws and failings in the rest of us, as THEY perceive them. I've received such messages, although rarely (and not because of my weight) and it's not easy to set aside the inevitable hurt feelings, even when you realize that the kind of people who would try to bully you? Are people who are themselves emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.
If someone in your life is bullying you about your weight (even if that bullying is disguised as "I'm only trying to help you!"), then step away from those would would do that. You don't need to be around that kind of energy, I don't care WHO they are. I'm lucky: I don't have any "weight bullies" in my life at this moment (although my mom can still push my buttons from time to time). But if I did have someone like that, I'd be doing everything in my power to keep them at arm's length. It's hard enough to lose weight without that kind of abuse.
And we need to stop bullying OURSELVES, while we're at it.
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